I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
