Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she smelled like a LAN party
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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