don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
even my farts smell like vagina
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
