the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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