At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
