He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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