Life is so much better after having sex.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
