How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
