I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
