doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
