We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize