I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
