I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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