yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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