he wants to bone in the snuggie
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
