dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
