Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need moral support for this bender
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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