Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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