ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i barfeds in our rink
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
