I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I still have a little drunk in my system
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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