don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
