Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
