All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
