we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
