Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize