u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize