I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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