The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
