so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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