do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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