Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
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