I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Found the puke drawer
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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