I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
