i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you win again, gameday.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
