I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
