you would pick up someone in the library
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
