Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
