if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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