dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize