Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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