like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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