Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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