just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
