Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
