I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
