I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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