Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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