I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
