His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
