yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
