Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
