Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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