proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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