She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize