Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
