Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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