my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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