That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
