yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize