I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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