she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
