I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
