Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
well you can't waste a boner
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
