i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize