hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
