When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
