"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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