i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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