your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
